I miss her when I go my children's school events, she would have been delighted to see little girl play her Cello with such concentration and pride! She would have been delighted in seeing little girl sing at her Christmas concert! She never got to see her sing a a school concert, she was too sick when little girl started school!
Mum would have been so proud when Big Boy started at his new school earlier this year, looking so handsome and grown up in his uniform. She would have been even prouder when he graduated from primary school!
But she wasn't at these events, she was heaven watching from above but she wasn't here with me sharing her pride!
It's not only my or should I say our proud moments I miss it's also the bad stuff when I miss her most!
I've had a tough year with people, probably because I've been missing Mum and hence I've made a few social mistakes ......nothing terrible, just a few foot in mouth moments! But my goodness have I paid a price, of having a disastrous complaint made about me by a colleague (no one from work reads this so I'll let it be known my colleague is completely insane and quite frankly a bitch). But in feeling sorry for myself and not thinking a bitch took hold of my vulnerability! I wish Mum had of been here to guide me though that dark time! But she wasn't ....she never will be!
To the person who said everyone loses a Mum.....get over it! What I say back is, you are absolutely right, we all lose our mothers but not everyone loses a best friend and confident! I don't think that person has experienced unconditional love and has no idea grief is! To her I say.....continue in your shallow life but I am there when you experience a loss I will be there for you because I know grief has no limits!
So yes my grief has only got harder!!
However, in the last two years I have grown! I've learnt to say no, to stop and smell the roses and that are along the path of life. I've learnt to be grateful for what I have and who I am! I am grateful for kids and my husband who sticks by me in thick and thin! I've learnt that it those three who are my true friends and the ones who will be with me not the people I meet along the way!
I've also learnt that what matters most is the opinion I hold of myself not that that others hold of me!
So would Mum be proud of me two years on.....yes I think she would be!
But I wish she was here to tell me!
Miss you Mum, even more than I did two years ago xxoo!
